Wednesday, August 23, 2006

DAXX: Total C****

Today I experienced the most baffling and insulting interaction of my entire life. I wanted a USB lead for my mobile phone which would enable me to download photos to my PC. The thoroughly nice Vodaphone shop chaps suggested I go to a shop in the Galleries in Bristol called 'DAXX'. I went to the shop, walked in and there were two men behind the counter. I spoke first with the younger guy. The conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, do you have a USB lead for one of these phones so I can download stuff onto my PC? Vodaphone suggested I try you guys.
Younger bloke: what is it.
Me: (I show him the phone ) it's a Nokia ( I show him the connection on the phone)
Younger bloke : (grunts and taps stuff into a computer). No we haven't go it
Me: Oh, okay. Any recommendations where i might get one?
Younger bloke: No.
Older bloke: You won't get one. If we ain't got it you won't get it.
(meanwhile younger bloke leaves shop)
Me: Er.. so if you don't have it then i won't get one... in the whole of Britain?
Older bloke: You're being a cunt, get out of my shop
Me: (baffled) ...I was only trying to clarify whether there were any available, anywhere
Older bloke: You are being smart, just get out
Me: I really don't understand.
Older bloke: Oh, yeah well, i've got a university education and i'm smart, fuck off
Me: um..well thanks for calling me a cunt. That's great. have a nice day. (I leave the shop)

Baffling. These people are trying to run a business. It is clearly not a retail chain. They specialise in unlocking phones and supplying phone accesories.

I suggest you repeatedly phone them and ask them for a USB lead for a Nokia phone.



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Sunday, August 20, 2006

Furious, Tonbridge Wells

Yesterday I packed my rucksack with hair gel, an aerosol can, matches, a stopwatch and a copy of the Koran with demented scriblings in the margins and various pages ripped out, and boarded a London bound 737 at Helsinki airport. Unbelievably, I managed to get through security with these items. This is just another example of one rule for the terrorists and another for the public.

Friday, August 11, 2006

terrorism rescues earth from environmental catastrophe

Heathrow: Terrorists attempt to blow up planes by mixing liquids. Water banned on planes.
Problem: body made up of 75% water.

Result: human beings banned from planes.

Victory for the Environmental Lobby! The end of air travel!!!! Earth saved!

Thanks, Islamists! We owe you one!