Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Burning witches brings people together

New anti-discrimination laws dismissed in favour of world peace

Religious groups yesterday celebrated a new era of pluralism and tolerance after the House of Lords rejected new measures that would have outlawed the discrimination and harassment of gays.

Antique hatchets were buried and ancient rivalries dismissed as hitherto warring factions united against the common enemy of men who muck around with each other’s cocks. “The future of inter-faith religious tolerance and world peace lies in demonising queers” said Sheila Moustache, a Christian church group organiser.

Derek Fenton, a guest-house owner from Dorset expressed his relief at the axing of legislation that would have banned him from turning away monstrous shirt-lifters. “This is a triumph for tolerance, respect and common sense. My wife and I were unable to sleep knowing that the poo-thieves in the room next door might be ejaculating, deep, deep, into each other’s rectums. Decent folk have had enough of these minorities banging on about their ‘rights’. What about our rights? I cannot get that disgusting image out of my head, no matter what I do. I’m not even religious, and I still think they should be shot and then burned in hell”. Mr. Fenton was joined by fellow devout non-homosexual Abdul Rahman, a community leader who recently urged fellow Muslims to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Jewish Zionists to campaign to shut down a house belonging to two men who lived together in it. The two men have since moved away from the area. “It’s amazing what can be achieved with respectful and sensitive inter-faith dialogue” said John Curry, a white supremacist Neo-Nazi convicted of a series of pub bombings in the early 90’s.

Dr.Ismail Haniyeh, the Prime Minister of the Palestinian National Authority, oversaw a jubilant and light-hearted joint press conference in Gaza City alongside Israeli Premier Ehud Olmert and American Paleo-Conservative commentator Pat Buchanan. “This is a momentous occasion” laughed Dr. Haniyeh. “Once we’ve turfed out all the buggers, there will be plenty of room in the Holy Land for Jews AND Muslims.” “And after that,” Buchanan joined in, “we can set to work on the Atheists. Once they’re gone, we can concentrate all our energies on space travel, and going to the Moon, and Mars, and other places in space”.


Thought For the Day

The liberal elite cannot hide the fact that paedophiles are disguising themselves as Muslim women in veils in order to get access to children by working as classroom assistants.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

In croydon a personnel flunky would probably classify that scenario as positive-discrimination, give you a development portfolio and grade your personal competencies. I imagine knights in armour being shown statistics graphs and set action plans for the number of people they have run through with a sword this month.

Is there a more omnipotent source of evil lurking in the shadows than Human Resources.

And is positive discrimination reverse racism anyway? Or is everyone too jaded to give an owl's hoot.

Enough I must quell my cynicism, Or to quote Ron

'I know it doesn't seem that way
But maybe it's the perfect day
Even though the bills are piling
Maybe Lady Luck ain't smiling

But if we'd only open our eyes
We'd see the blessings in disguise
That all the rain clouds are fountains
Though our troubles seem like mountains

And if we'd get up off our knees
Well then we'd see the forest for the trees
And we'd see the new sun rising
Over the hills and horizon

A word or two, my friend
There's no telling how the day might end
And we'll never know until we see
That there's gold in them hills'